Nathan Key

Don't Panic

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I think I like Parenting better than Working

4/13/2009

 

After spending a number of months unemployed, I realize that our normal idea of what work/life is supposed to be like is a bit skewed. I think I like how I spent my time better when I wasn't "officially" working.

Don’t get me wrong- I’m very glad to be back at work, earning money rather than living off of unemployment insurance. But I have to say that those four months where I didn’t have anything in particular to do were some of the best times I’ve ever spent with Beth and Ethan and I’m going to do my best to figure out a way to reclaim that lifestyle at some point in the future.

You see, unemployment offered me the opportunity to really connect with my family and I simply cannot go back to the way it was because I miss spending my day integrated with theirs.

During the last four months, I wasn’t spending 10 hours away from my family and I got to go on daily adventures- one in the afternoon (maybe to the park or the store) and one right after dinner (to the library or somewhere else where we could take a walk or just hang out together). And on top of that, I was able to provide my wife with some much-needed time away from us. Time where she could go exercise, shower, and get ready for the day without having a little person constantly grabbing at her legs and crying that he wasn’t in her arms.

Of course, I wasn’t ONLY spending time with them. I spent about 4-6 hours a day writing, reading, and searching for jobs. I kept a pretty rigid routine (which was sometimes a bit frustrating to my wife who never realized how structured and organized I like to spend my time) and I was very disciplined.

I’m not sure when in history families were able to spend this much time together. But, I have a feeling that prior to the industrial revolution- when societies were much more agrarian- most men worked from or around home and were integrated into the lives of their families most of the day. They worked hard, of course- it wasn’t just hanging out with their kids. But they were able to spend a lot more face time with their wives and children because they weren’t commuting thirty miles each day to work, leaving their wives alone for the day to care for their children.

I don't know how to get back to the sort of integrated life I enjoyed unless I begin working virtually or begin my own business... hmm...

Beth Key
4/13/2009 02:09:54 am

yes

Maureen link
4/14/2009 01:35:24 am

Maybe you should help us fill our blog with nice things about marriage and we can pay you to write for us at some point. =]

Nathan link
4/14/2009 01:47:31 am

Thanks Maureen!

I was telling Beth the other day how much I miss you and Rob.

Micah Tillman link
4/14/2009 02:50:59 am

I know as a kid I always hated it when my parents had to be away at work for long hours.

And they did, a lot of the time, just to keep us fed and housed and whatnot.

But I wonder how much better I would have liked it if being with my parents meant having to go to work with them -- which is what kids have to do in agrarian societies. I hear. Never having lived in one, I can't say for sure.

But I've seen movies!

And in the movies, the pioneer farming man in the wild west is always choosing a sturdy wife because sturdy wives are sure to produce a whole "passel o' strappin' younguns" who will be able to "he'p Paw" run the farm.

Makes me cringe. It's as if the whole point of having a wife is to have children, and the whole point of having children is to keep the agrarian life going.

And if you have to have kids because you need workers, you shouldn't be having kids. Dern pioneer farmers. I clearly hate them so much.

Anyway, so your kids are blessed to have a father who doesn't demand that they work for him in order to be with him!

No go forth with my blessing. Your lifestyle has passed the Tillman Test.

Dana link
4/14/2009 06:20:26 am

My dad was around quite often when I was growing up, since his office was in our home most of the time. I don't know if I appreciated his presence at the time, but I can appreciate it in retrospect. I know it had a lot to do with the way I grew up.


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    About Nathan

    Nathan Key likes to think about faith and philosophy and talk about it with others. He lives with his family in New Hampshire. He doesn't always refer to himself in the third person.
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