Careful VS Careless Exhortation

Yesterday, my new friend Guilherme posted some rather vulnerable (but good) thoughts about accountability and exhortation on his blog. You can read them HERE.

As I was reading, a flash of scripture popped into my head and suddenly, I saw the words of Christ from a different perspective than I had previously. Thanks Gui, for providing an opportunity for me to gather up a fuller understanding of the following passage.

* * *

"...how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye."

* * *

So say you're spending some time with one of your friends and you notice something sitting there in the corner of her eye.

It's a little speck of lint.

Concerned, you lean over and say: "Hey, hold still. You've got something in your eye! Let me help you get it out."

At first, she backs away and tries to bat at it herself, but finally she relents- because she trusts you- and allows you to fish it out yourself.

Carefully, you reach over while she holds her eyelids open with two fingers and you gently pluck out the offending irritant.

* * *

Now, you wouldn't try this maneuver with sunglasses on, right? And you wouldn't try this blindfolded or while you were texting someone on your phone, would you? And surely, you wouldn't be rough and violent with their eyeball either?

The intent when helping a friend with a speck in their eye is careful, focused attention. And it should be the same when we're coaching their behavior.

* * *

When we're coaching someone's behavior, I believe we should abide by the same rules that reflect the care that we'd give if we were literally removing a speck from their eye.

1. Carefulness is imperative
You would be careful and cautious when dealing with a literal speck in someone's eye. If you aren't demonstrating the same care and caution when dealing with someone's heart- then you need to do a motive check.

2. Remove all distractions
Jesus called this "removing the plank from your own eye." In the same way you'd remove a blindfold or sunglasses before dealing with a speck in someone's eye- you need to remove all the distractions from your own life, too when dealing with their heart and behaviors. First, this means dealing with your own sin and being in communication with God to the point where you aren't simply following your own ideas, but Christ's will. But it also means making the other person your focus during the time of coaching. You can't be torn in multiple directions, trying to manage a hundred different relationships. Focused care is important.

3. Work Gently
No one works on the eyeball with violence, and neither should you address someone's actions or behaviors in such a way. Kindness and affirmation are important parts of coaching. Don't go for the jugular- work with ease and care so that you don't do any additional damage while your working to help the person overcome a potentially damaging situation.

4. Be Confident and Sure
Shaky hands will damage a person's eye just as easily as a piece of lint. So it is with addressing someone's actions. It can't be done with a hemming and hawing discussion where you aren't really sure what's going on. It's OK to be gentle AND direct. It does the other person NO good if you're so nervous that you either miss the problem or back off just before getting to the heart of it. Just as you can't leave a piece of dust in someone's eye, you can't start to address a behavior issue and then leave it half done.

* * *

Jesus didn't say that we should overlook the problems in a brother's life and He didn't ask us to leave friends to deal with their own problems. He told us to treat the sin and behavior in their lives as we would treat a speck of dust in their eye- with carefulness and consideration, never with carelessness or condemnation.