Nathan Key

Your daily lifeline for philosophy, politics, and religion.

 

 
 
I’ve been off the blog for a few days now because I took an extended Labor Day weekend retreat with my family. We went down to Walt Disney World Resort and played in the Magic Kingdom, Epcot, and Hollywood Studios for a few days.

As a former theme park employee, I’ve seen the stress that’s caused by visiting an expensive place like Disney. The heat makes everyone grumpy, the prices makes everyone stressed out about “getting their money’s worth” out of the experience, and so the dream vacation often ends up with family quarrels and disagreements.

We decided to do things differently.

Now, I’m surely not a professional vacationer or anything, but I have to say that by following the “rules” below I really enjoyed our family retreat and I feel refreshed and rejuvenated. I’d suggest these for any vacation, but particularly if you’re going to be heading to a theme park.

Rule One: Disconnect

Other than our phones, we decided that the best way to spend our time together would be disconnected from the internet, social networks, and other outside experiences. We left the computers at home and didn’t use our phones to access our e-mail, facebook, or twitter.

As difficult as it might have been to break my internet addition- I gotta admit that I didn’t really miss it that much. I mean, I like spending time with my wife and my child. And with my attention focused on them and on the experiences at hand, there wasn’t really a lot of time to miss my “online presence.”

Rule Two: Don’t Do Everything

Theme Parks are huge. In a really part of the year like the beginning of November, it might be possible to do experience most of what’s offered in a Theme Park, but not on Labor Day Weekend- and most certainly not with a seventeen month old in tow. It’s just not realistic to expect to do everything and so we maximized each moment by enjoying all the things we were engaged with at that moment instead of rushing onward to the next thing.

Rule Three: Do Things That Everyone Will Enjoy

So, you agree not to do everything. Great. Then what DO you do with all the possibilities out there?

I think it's best to focus on things that everyone will enjoy. For instance, my son is too young and too short to experience some the activities at Disney. He’s not going to be going on a rollercoaster for a few more years and some of the attractions are a little too advances for his attention span or abilities. So we stuck with things that were exciting for him. We spend 15 minutes watching him watch the dolphin swim past the viewing window. We rode the Mexico ride twice.

The only two times we broke this “rule” was when we took him on the Energy Ride (boring) and later went to the Nine Dragons Restaurant in China. Boy did we regret it!

He was a mess. He wanted to run around and we were making him sit on our laps on a loud, boring movie ride or sit up in a high chair while we were anxious about the fact that his high pitched shrills were bothering everyone else.

The entire experience worked much better when we merely enjoyed the things that he enjoyed instead of trying to get him to enjoy the things we wanted to do.

Rule Four: Take Naps, Drink Water, and Eat Regularly

Who wants to be cranky on vacation?

Yet, I’ve seen a lot of parents pushing their kids beyond naptime when they’re too young to be without naptime. I’ve seen people in the parks dehydrated because they forget that walking around in the hot sun is taxing. I’ve seen people forget to eat because of the excitement around them. All these things add up to disaster- a big blowout fight waiting to happen because everyone’s on edge because of exhaustion.

We brought a big water bottle with us and drank from it often. We got a big breakfast every day and then tried to eat regularly, even though it meant buying overpriced theme park food. But most importantly, we napped.

Because we stayed at one of the onsite hotels, we were within about 30-40 minutes of a bed at all times. The busses dropped us off and picked us up at each park and delivered us close to our room within a fairly reasonable time, anytime we needed. So, we went to the park for a few hours in the morning, went back to the hotel from about 12:30-3:00pm and came back and spent the afternoon and early evening at the park again before bed.

We missed the really hot, crowded times and were fresh and ready to go in the evening when everyone else was dragging and beginning to get cranky with each other.

Rule Five: Leave Time to Recoup After Vacation

As good as vacation can be when it’s truly relaxing, it can be stressful to head back to work the day after returning from vacation. We spent two nights at the Disney hotels and two and a half days at the theme parks. Then we came home and spent two and a half days at home, hanging out and recouping.

Vacation is only a success if it doesn’t cause more stress- and having a normal weekend to mow the lawn, hang out together, and do the typical stuff that needs to get done during time off is an important part of vacation. It meant that my mind was completely focused on my family and my surroundings instead of thinking about when I was going to get the ivy pulled down from the side of the house or get the ironing done.
 
 
Something that bothers a lot of Christians (and non-Christians) is the seeming contradiction of God’s character between the Old & New Testament. In the Old Testament, God often seems very angry with people- like a cruel old man seeking vengeance on anyone or anything that doesn’t fall in line with His ways. Then comes the New Testament and suddenly God seems to become a kind and loving father who patiently waits for everyone to come home into His arms.

This apparent split personality of God has been one of the most difficult issues for anyone who studies the Bible. Some of my friends think that maybe God's been evolving and adapting, just like we do. But I wonder if it's merely that we're gowing up as a species and our understanding of who God is, is increasing and expanding?
* * *
Last night, I forcefully removed my son’s hand from the stove control and he screamed at me. His eyes filled up with tears and he had a little meltdown right there in the middle of the kitchen. Now, he’s usually the sweetest little boy in the world, but when he wants something that he’s unable to have, he gets furious. Sometimes he becomes so angry that he can’t function and we literally have to pick up and remove him from wherever he is and hold him close until he calms down.

I’m not sure what's going on in that little brain of his when these meltdowns happen, but I wonder if his anger isn’t pointed directly at me and his mom. He still knows that we love him, but since we’re keeping him from his desires- we’re villains, thwarting him at every move.

I can only imagine that it’s going to get worse as he gets older.

My experience with my own parents was mixed, too. As a child, I had a terrible temper and I got in trouble for all sorts of things. My mom and dad were often viewed as the enemies, always dishing out punishment, making me eat food I didn’t like, forcing me to go to bed when I didn't want to, and giving me rules and restrictions that a lot of my friends didn’t have.

It wasn’t until I graduated from High School and was out from under my parent’s constant supervision that we became friendly with each other. Gradually, we developed a different sort of relationship and I began to see how their “restrictions” and “punishment” were actually for my own good. Due to their influence in my life, I had a little more discipline over my own actions and was able to make better choices.

I see now that it wasn’t always vengeance or cruelty that drove them to put rules and restrictions in place. It was more often kindness and love. It was merely my own immaturity that made me view them as villians. It was my adolescent and teenage brain that hadn’t grown to the point where I could see the whole picture of what they were trying to accomplish.

And I bet my son is going to have the same feelings about me as he grows up.

In the middle of the kitchen floor, while Ethan was still crying, it suddenly made sense why God seems to be so mean, angry and jealous in some places and so kind, loving and compassionate it others. It’s because the story of humanity is much like the story of a little boy who's growing up. At some points, God gave rules and then gave grace. At different times, He disciplined and  befriended.

God is fathering us and just like is for all sons and daughters, His methods don’t always make sense in the moment. There are times when He seems like the villain rather than the protector. There are times when He seems to needlessly keep us from our desires. But as we mature in our ability to know Him and understand this world we live in, we’re able to see more clearly that the whole picture is love- even those rough patches when everthing seems to be out of sync with how we’d expect a loving God to act.
 
 
One thing I truly miss about Seattle was the church we went to. Bethany Community Church was a wonderful place for us to learn and grow.

And it wasn't just the community we got to be a part of, either. You just don't often find pastors like Richard Dalhstrom who are as intellectually stirring, relevant, applicable, and biblically based and able to cast vision and truth week after week in a way that makes you hungry for more. If it weren't for the fact that he would HATE Florida (and it would be a crime against Seattle to remove him from his ministry there) I wish we could have brought him with us...

Here's an example: For the past week or so, Richard Dalhstrom has written a few posts outlining some thoughts on how the Church should be reacting to the issue of Homosexuality.

After reading through his posts, I believe that they are pretty sensitive, compelling, and challenging to both heterosexual and homosexual readers. I especially enjoyed the way the he turned the issue into something bigger and more meaningful than just a conversation on whether or not the church should allow gay marriage. Rather, it should challenge each of us in our sexuality whether we're married or single, gay or straight.

I'd encourage you to read through his ideas and join the discussion over at his site:

          Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

He's also got a pretty good book out that you should pick up if you haven't done so already. It's about spiritual practices (not sexuality), and I really enjoyed it. It's probably on par with Foster's Celebration of Discipline, but a little more accessible. Check it out below!
 
 
What follows is NOT an accurate, word for word account of the conversation that Beth and I had this weekend. I'm an ENFJ. NF's gather up the big picture based on their values. What Beth said and what I heard are probably not the same... This is what I got out of the convesation regardless of how it actually went.
* * *

On the way back home from Osprey, where we were visiting my in-laws the other night, I told Beth that I feel like my relationship with God is a little rocky. I related a few things that seemed to be missing from my spiritual health and the frustration I’ve been dealing with over my lack of connection on spiritual matters. It just seems as though I’ve got a lot of brilliant ideas about who God is, but no fruit to speak of that transpires from a healthy relationship.

She let me vent for a few moments, and after talking about prayer and connection for a bit, Beth told me something that I hope I never forget:

“But Nathan,” She said, “I don’t think you realize how much you’ve actually grown. I mean, you’re completely different than when I met you. Sure, you’re not as involved in public spiritual activity as you were- you’re not leading a college ministry or filling in as a youth pastor at church like you did previously- but I can’t begin to tell you about the change that I’ve seen in your heart when it comes to fathering Ethan or providing for my needs.”

“You have this idea in your head that if you’re not doing something huge, something big, and publically recognized that it doesn’t count. But what about our son? God’s entrusted us with raising Ethan. Your influence on his life is going to change the world. That may not seem like a service project in another country or feeding the homeless or any of those other public things that our friends are doing, but it’s just as big and just as important.”

“I guess so,” I replied.

“OK, it may seem like those people are doing more for God,” She said, “But how many of them would get up at 3am and 5am to take care of a crying baby so that their wife could get a few more moments of sleep? Many of them don’t even want kids because it would interrupt their lives. You’ve chosen not only to have a child, but to be a father who cares for his child and doesn’t just rely on his wife to do everything. That’s huge.”

This is about the time when I started tearing up. I began to realize that without me knowing it, God’s been at work all along, changing me into a different, better person.

“Remember that verse, ‘He who began a good work in your will be faithful to complete it?’” She asked, “Well, He really has been faithful in working on you. I mean, you were kind of a jerk for a while there, but He’s been gradually making you more and more like Him- and believe me, it’s obvious. You’re not as selfish anymore. You’re not as easily angered. You’re slowly, but surely becoming more and more like Christ without even knowing it.”

“But I haven’t even acknowledged His work.” I told her. “I haven’t given Him any credit for any of this. I’ve sort of felt like it was me, willing myself to be a better father and husband.”

“Do you honestly think any of this was really your idea?” She asked. “You think you came up with the idea that you should be less selfish and kinder to us? You know, I don’t think any of us part with selfishness naturally. I think change like this is proof that God’s working in us and through us, even when we aren’t. Besides- I think He knows how hard it is to have little babies. You never hear from anyone or in any book that the first few years, when the children are all in diapers, are the most romantic, love-filled days when marriage blossoms and service projects abound. In fact, if you were off doing as much stuff as you used to before we were married; you’d be ignoring your responsibilities as a father and as a husband. I think the real problem is that you’re comparing yourself against who you were rather than who you are.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right.” I said. “So I guess maybe I need to find more new dads to be friends with. I don’t really know what a new dad’s relationship with God is supposed to look like because I only have myself to compare against.”

Of course, the moment I said this, the paradox became clear. New dads, if they’re spending an appropriate amount of time with their family, don’t really have a ton of time for other relationships with other new dads… Which makes it all the more important to have amazing wives that remind us that God’s working in us. Even when we don’t see it. Even when we believe the opposite.

 
 
Picture

The other day I came home and found that the internet wasn’t working. I didn’t have anything particular that I needed to do- I think I was going to check my e-mail- but I got really nervous for a moment, wondering what I was missing because my link to the world was cut off.

It was strange, though, because for a moment after my initial panic I actually felt a sense of relief. I actually felt free. There was a sudden freedom from any obligation to respond to e-mails, Facebook updates, Tweets, and RSS feeds from GoogleReader. The internet was down and so I had a legitimate excuse to be disconnected from the world and solely focused on my family. The truth is, it’s shocking that I felt this way because only a few months ago I would have been going crazy trying to figure out how to get my connection back.

Remember that scene in Matrix where Joe Pantoliano’s character Cypher begs a Sentinel to allow him back into the Matrix? I didn’t make the correlation until now, but I’m beginning to think that his need for the Matrix is similar to our need for the internet and social networking.

Can you imagine life without our current range of technologies? Could we even go back to the way it was before personal computers, cell phones, Wikipedia, Google, and Facebook inundated our culture?

I’m hard pressed to admit it, but I think we’re already enslaved to technology. Most of us couldn’t figure out a way to grow our own food, weave our own clothes, or find water that’s safe to drink. Whether or not our own technology turns on us, I think it’s pretty safe to say that any sort of major interruption would be more than most of us could handle.

I think that’s why New Orleans eroded so quickly into madness after Hurricane Katrina.

Without our technology, we’re helpless.

So, I don’t believe that AI will kill us.
I think it’s much more likely that we’ll kill ourselves off in the wake of a major power failure.

But that’s some of the beauty of these AI Monster Movies. They may not paint an accurate picture of what the world will really be like if the robots take over, but they paint a very clear symbol of the slavery that we’ve created for ourselves. As I mentioned in the first post, it’s all very much like the Tower of Babel- we’ve placed our hope in technology rather than in God and in our fellow man.

And as a result, we’re confused. We don’t understand each other any longer. We only understand our own needs and our own beliefs.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

The other day, I was unplugged and rather than spending the evening worrying about whether or not the internet would come back on, I played with my son and I spoke with my wife. I’ve been doing that a lot more lately. In fact, last night I didn’t even look at my computer for more than a few seconds.

I spent the evening with them, instead. And I’m going to be really honest…
It was much better than the Matrix.

 
 

After spending a number of months unemployed, I realize that our normal idea of what work/life is supposed to be like is a bit skewed. I think I like how I spent my time better when I wasn't "officially" working.

Don’t get me wrong- I’m very glad to be back at work, earning money rather than living off of unemployment insurance. But I have to say that those four months where I didn’t have anything in particular to do were some of the best times I’ve ever spent with Beth and Ethan and I’m going to do my best to figure out a way to reclaim that lifestyle at some point in the future.

You see, unemployment offered me the opportunity to really connect with my family and I simply cannot go back to the way it was because I miss spending my day integrated with theirs.

During the last four months, I wasn’t spending 10 hours away from my family and I got to go on daily adventures- one in the afternoon (maybe to the park or the store) and one right after dinner (to the library or somewhere else where we could take a walk or just hang out together). And on top of that, I was able to provide my wife with some much-needed time away from us. Time where she could go exercise, shower, and get ready for the day without having a little person constantly grabbing at her legs and crying that he wasn’t in her arms.

Of course, I wasn’t ONLY spending time with them. I spent about 4-6 hours a day writing, reading, and searching for jobs. I kept a pretty rigid routine (which was sometimes a bit frustrating to my wife who never realized how structured and organized I like to spend my time) and I was very disciplined.

I’m not sure when in history families were able to spend this much time together. But, I have a feeling that prior to the industrial revolution- when societies were much more agrarian- most men worked from or around home and were integrated into the lives of their families most of the day. They worked hard, of course- it wasn’t just hanging out with their kids. But they were able to spend a lot more face time with their wives and children because they weren’t commuting thirty miles each day to work, leaving their wives alone for the day to care for their children.

I don't know how to get back to the sort of integrated life I enjoyed unless I begin working virtually or begin my own business... hmm...

 
 

I’m still mulling over this thought I picked up from Rob Bell the other day:

(Paraphrased and expanded by me)

The narrative of the Bible is mainly concerned with God waiting and wanting to father/mother/brother/husband us while we’d rather spend our time running around looking for fruitless ways to earn the right to be a part of His family.

* * *

Bell's point was accentuated as he brought up all the parents from the audience who were holding young infants on their laps. He asked them to relate to the rest of the room how they felt about their child.

“I’m completely in love”
“Best thing that ever happened to me.”
“He’s our little surprise, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“She is a miracle.”
“We’ve overwhelmed with love.”
“I can’t describe how incredible she is.”
“We’re just so grateful to be her parents.”
“We prayed and waited for years in order to hold him.”

I almost burst into tears a number of times when I thought about the unity of love and gratitude that was voiced by each parent. And I couldn’t help but agree that I feel the same way about my own son- one year old and more amazing every single day.

Sure, a few years from now when sin continues to creep into our relationship, he’ll become defiant at certain moments. And I’ll probably hold unrealistic/prideful expectations of him that he’ll never obtain. There will be hostility and anger between us from time to time and I’m sure that he’ll sometimes wonder what life would be like if he had been born into a different family with different values that don’t seem so constraining.

But even within the fallen nature of our relationship, cracked and tainted by sin, there won’t be a requirement for him to perform a certain way in order to be my son. There’s absolutely nothing that he could do that would increase or decrease my love for him or my protection.

He’ll be my son no matter what happens.

And so if this is how an earthly relationship works, tarnished as it is by the human condition- I imagine that God’s attitude and love for us are even greater. I imagine that God doesn’t even have any “expectations” of us when it comes to our relationship other than that we engage in it as fully as we possibly can- just as we’d engage in relationships with our parents, siblings, and spouse.

After considering this further for the past few days, I believe that thinking of God in terms of relationship is a must. And it's also a perfect remedy for legalism!

What I mean is this: Anything that is done religiously that isn’t a relational joy between God and ourselves either is being done with the wrong attitude or is not an appropriate practice for us to engage in.

God doesn’t want us to perform, He wants us to engage.

 
 

My son is one year old today.
Happy Birthday, Kiddo!

 
 

My sister had a baby girl last night.
Her name is Elsa.

Welcome to the world, Elsa.
It's good to have you here!

 
Welcome to 2009 01/01/2009
 

"This is a New Year, this is a new day
to rise, shine, lift up your eyes"
- Charlie Hall

This year couldn't come soon enough.

In 2008:
1. My son was born
2. I got to work with some incredible people at Media Partners
3. I got to move back to Florida

But I also:
1. Lost my job
2. Got into a bunch of fights with my wife
3. Was lonely a lot

So, I'm really glad for a new year and a new day to rise, shine, and lift up my eyes. I'm glad to turn from 2008 and look into 2009 with a sense of a clean slate and a fresh perspective.